I spent my life trying to prove my worth with material wealth, and putting my emotional needs on the back burner. I lived in a constant state of anxiety. I worried about what others thought of me, and never felt good enough to be accepted as I was. I became addicted to achievement thinking that if I could be perfect enough, I would finally feel whole because I had achieved what society called success. However, there was no achievement big enough to fill the hole I had in my heart. I kept feeling empty like something was missing, and I just could not figure out why. I’d smile and put on a happy face to the world, but internally I was dying.

In 2010 I got diagnosed with endometriosis, a very painful disease that women silently suffer with. To treat the endometriosis it required several surgeries, and with that came along several refills of pain pills. From that first bottle of pills I felt immediate relief not only from the physical pain but from the emotional pain I was feeling.  I quickly found myself fully addicted to opiates in desperation to numb the pain.  At that time in my life I looked to have it all: big house, dream car, perfect body, fantastic career. I had spent my life chasing after external validation but I never felt good enough! I consistently felt overwhelmed, stuck, stopped, struggling and constantly thinking, ‘what is wrong with me?’

I was dripping in shame from living a double life, pretending to be fine on the outside and dying on the inside. My addiction almost cost me my life due to an accidental overdose.  The shame of being found out stopped me from seeking the treatment that I desperately wanted, because I felt that it would be worse if others found out about my addiction.  I truly believed that my worth came outside of me, and as long as others saw me in a certain light, it would give me the validation I was  searching for.

I finally took the brave steps to enter a new phase in my life recovery, but as anyone in recovery can tell you, just stopping the drug isn’t enough. I still felt like a prisoner in my own skin and knew there just had to be more to life than just getting by.  I discovered that my entire recovery process I was focusing on the addiction & not the real issue that needed attention.  My addiction was my solution not my problem. This is when I discovered self-development and my true recovery began.  I quickly learned that everything I needed was inside me and that I can’t fix my insides with something outside of me.

The drugs themselves were not the problem, it was the feelings and emotions that I was trying to escape which fueled my addiction and were the root problem.  I lived in a constant state of anxiety, without a purpose or passion in my life. I was scared that people wouldn’t like me, so I never said, “no” to anyone. I had no self-value or self-worth.  Early on I knew I couldn't be the only woman feeling trapped in her mind, and that I would one day share my story to let others know that they are not alone because nobody deserves to feel this way. I started to address the feelings that drove my addiction. It became evident that the fear only lived in my mind, and it was a huge awakening when I discovered I was living as a prisoner to my own thoughts. I figured out how to break free from these false thoughts that were robbing me from living the life I deserved, and I knew I had to share this with women all over the world.  

I was living as a victim blaming others for my unhappiness and by doing so I was completely giving my power away once again to things outside of me. I never knew that I had the power to create the life I deserved and that everything I needed was inside me. I went from barely being able to get out of bed to now living a life full of purpose.  I uncovered my limiting beliefs & comforted my inner child that had been neglected for far too long. Once I truly understood how the subconscious mind works I realized that I was seeing the world from a perspective that no longer served me.  I was trying to protect myself by numbing out, because my inner thoughts & beliefs didn’t align with who I truly was, and that is why I felt empty. I finally understood that my thoughts create feelings, my feelings create actions, & my actions create results aka my LIFE!  Every single woman deserves to know that they have the power to create the life that they deserve..